


Dog-Astrophe

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Gen, Humor, I use Dirk as Bro's name, i guess, new puppy - Freeform, shut up I'm funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-25 19:47:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2634020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dirk brings home a dog. Dave reacts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dog-Astrophe

“BROOOOOO!” Dave screamed, thrashing around to try to escape his sheets. He frowned upwards as Dirk appeared in the doorway.

“You don't have to yell. I'm not fucking deaf. What do you want, I'm busy.”

Dave sighed and reached up to wipe his face only to have his hand accosted and nuzzled. “Why is there a dog on my bed?”

“You must've left your door open a crac--”

“WHY IS THIS DOG IN THE APARTMENT?”

“You have no chill, Dave.”

“Bro.” The puppy smiled down at Dave, head tilted to the side, tongue lolling. He leaned forward and licked a stripe up Dave's face, drawing out another shriek. The puppy barked in response.

“I'm gonna raise him to fight crime. Look at those paws, he's gonna be a monster. I think he's part German Shepherd or something, and they're good guard dogs--”

“Bro.”

“Stop interrupting me, you little shit. And don't look at me like that. I tried to teach you to fight crime, but you just cried a lot. Got old fast. Now it's Itachi's turn.” Dirk crossed his arms and leaned on the doorframe.

“Itachi?” Dave cringed, almost too afraid to ask. He didn't even bother to comment on the part where Dirk said he had planned to teach Dave how to fight crime. He was honestly unsurprised.

“Damn, didn't you ever read Naruto? I know I made you watch some of it. I didn't know your taste was that bad, Little Man.” Itachi laid down on Dave's chest, pushing his nose into the sensitive skin where his chin met his throat. He tried his best not to squirm despite the ticklish sensation.

“I should've known you'd pick some shit weaboo name,” Dave groaned, failing to keep still when Itachi licked his neck in response to the vibration of his voice.

“You're not as smart as you think you are, Kiddo. Itachi, come!” Dave snorted, not expecting the puppy to obey, but Itachi hopped off the bed and trotted right up to Dirk. Dirk picked Itachi up and smirked at Dave. “See, he's already smarter than you.”

He flash-stepped to avoid the pillow Dave hurled at him, already out of sight by the time the projectile left his grasp.

Sometimes, Dave thought he might hate his brother.


End file.
